Martian Invasions: Are you Prepared?
What do you do to protect yourself in the event of a house fire? You buy home insurance. What do you do to protect yourself from a flood? You buy flood insurance. What do you do to protect yourself in the event of a car wreck? You buy car insurance. So, why is it that millions of people go without buying Martian invasion insurance? Imagine sitting in your favorite chair house watching the television. The television station begins to turn to static. Suddenly you see a bright light illuminating from outside your window. The light is so bright you are temporarily blinded. A couple of seconds later, the light goes away and everything appears to be back to normal. That is until you look outside and notice that the homes of your neighbors have been destroyed. Fire is everywhere. People are running around screaming, crying, and confused. You think to yourself how you were lucky that whatever just happened missed your house. Then you begin to think about what would happen if the next time you weren’t so lucky. Everyone needs Martian invasion insurance. After reading what I have to say, you too will agree that Martian invasion insurance should be required by the federal government. |   |
According to the Federal agency F.A.M.I. (Fight Against Martian Invasions), in 2008, Martins invaded Earth 2700 times (Phillips 11). They are quick in their invasions. They arrive, take what they want, and leave before anyone even knows that is going on. There is no stopping them. They are relentless in their attacks. They destroy anything and anyone in their way. If you get a chance to see them coming, the best thing to do is to hide and do not interfere with their plans. Every year, Martians are the cause of thousands of lost lives and billions of dollars in damages. (Shockey)
A Martian invasion takes place every 4.5 minutes somewhere in our universe (Shockey) but most of the lives affected are not protected. They do not have insurance on their house, their possessions, or themselves to protect them from the invasion. The insurance companies refuse to pay due to Article 133.3B which states “The insurance company is not responsible for damages caused by objects or events originating from outside the Earth’s atmosphere” (Phillips 94). The affected families lose everything in a matter of seconds and are forced to pay for damages out of their own pocket. Even worse, if they die in the invasion, they leave their loved ones to pay for the damages and the victim’s funeral. There are alternatives though. No one should have to lose everything and then be forced to buy it all again. They should be protected. They can be protected.
Allgressive is the current leader in Martin Invasion insurance, just ahead of eFarm and NationState (Jones). They have offices in 49 of the 50 states and are located in 101 other countries. For just pennies a day, you and your family can be protected. No more needing to worry about where the next dollar is going to come from to buy baby formula because you spent all you had on putting a roof back over your head. No more sleeping on the in-laws couch until you can get back on your feet. Allgressive can ensure that you will be back in your house as if nothing happened before you know it. In 2010, Allgressive paid over $280,000,000 to the town of Timbuktoo (Sanders). With just over 1,200 residents, that is about $233,000 a person. There is no reason to live day to day wondering if the Martins are coming for your town next.
Martian invasions usually include multiple geographical areas at the same time. Last year when they struck Timbuktoo, Kansas they also invaded towns in Greece, Iceland, Australia, and China. Those who were lucky enough to escape the first attack without damages are those that need Martian invasion the most. Nine times out of 10, the Martians return to the same area in the near future to finish what they started. But just because a certain area hasn’t been attacked yet doesn’t mean it isn’t going to (Reed). Out of the 2700 attacks in 2008, only 950 of them were to duplicate areas. The other 1750 were new towns that had no idea of what to expect or when the Martins were coming for them (Phillips 125). Margrett Winslow states regarding her experience, “It was a horrible sight. We were left with no money, no house, and no clothes except those on our backs. We moved to Timbuktoo in order to start over. Six months after our move, the Martians invaded again, once again destroying everything we had. I wish I could go back in time and buy Martian invasion insurance. (Reed)
Why is it that we allow ourselves to live in fear every day? Fear of wondering if we are next. Fear of wondering how we will support our families. I’m sure you have seen that one guy on TV that lost everything in a flood or fire only to find out he didn’t have insurance. The local community gathers together to collect donations for him out of kindness so that he can get back on his feet. Do you really want to be that one guy? Do you want to be the one that has to rely on the help of others day after day after day? How far can donations get you? Go home and add up the total value of everything you own. Will you be able to gather enough donations to buy it all back while still trying to feed yourself and family? I encourage you. Write to your senator. Tell them that you are no longer afraid because you are prepared for an invasion. Tell them that you support mandating Martian Invasion Insurance. The victims of the next attack will thank you for it later.
Works Cited
Jones, Jennifer. “Allgressive. A Friend When You Need Them.” Homes and More 57 (2010): 125. Jefferson
Data. Jefferson Community Coll. Lib., KY. January 11, 2011. <http://info.jeffersonkctcsdata.com/>
Phillips, Brian. You and Your Neighborhood Martian. New York: E. Street Publishing, 2009
Reed, Will. “Not Again.” Wallmark Daily 25, Sep. 2010: A1
Sanders, Kate. “Tragedy in Timbuktoo.” Invasions are Everywhere. Martian Discovery Task Force, January 3, 2011. Web. January 11, 2011.
Shockey, Edward. “Blame the Martians.” Space Creatures Weekly 123 (2010): 73-76. Articles Galore. Jefferson Community Coll. Lib., KY. January 11, 2011. http://articles.articlesgalore.com/
